Timing is Everything

I don't think God times things randomly. I've always heard that God's timing is perfect, but I've never believed it until now. When I moved to South Carolina a year ago, I went through a devastating break up. Six months later, during the final week of my first semester of graduate school, my mother was killed. Six and a half months after that, my brother died. These times aren't random to me as I reflect upon the past year. God shook me at the beginning of a huge move/life change and again during the most challenging weeks of graduate school. Throughout the past year, I tried to control my life and pretend that I didn't need my faith anymore while I experienced these seasons that reminded me why I needed my faith. There were so many times in the past year that I said, "I can't do this anymore." In those times, it was scripture, hymns, and religious community that helped me feel peace. Sometimes it took a little scrambling in wrong directions for me to recognize that only my faith in God brings me true peace. That has been what's calmed me and comforted me when I have felt absolutely hopeless. I could not be more grateful for the positive changes God has made in my life over the past year. I struggle to accept and understand the losses. Nonetheless, I trust God's perfect timing to continue bringing me peace because of the blessings that have already come from the worst seasons of my life. 

The past few weeks have been especially difficult. I feel wrecked because I've lost two of my closest family members so early in life. I looked forward to experiencing so many life milestones with my mother and brother. I feel like I am running out of time with my family. On the worst days, it feels like this means my life is coming to its conclusion. I have also been struggling to accept that healing is not linear. I don't like that some days I'm okay and other days I'm not. I want to be okay, but most days I'm sad. To pile things on: our country is an upside down heartbreaking mess, the world in general isn't doing so great either, and I'm in a depressive episode when I thought I had finally overcome my depression. 

Still, I feel grateful for my faith. I know that God is walking with me through these seasons to make me as strong as He made my parents. I see God's hand in my day when I'm overwhelmed but the cashier is randomly extra kind in our interactions, when someone randomly compliments me on a day that I really needed it, and even when my boyfriend, who can't read my mind, looks at me and tells me to "stop beating myself up" at the exact moments that I am criticizing myself in my head. When I think life is stupid and stressful and sad, little moments throughout my day lift my spirit and make me grateful to be alive to experience God's timing. I am fairly certain that others may feel this way about life right now, so I wanted to share what's helped me this past year:

  • Faith in God's timing
  • Friends & family (travel, phone calls, mailing gifts and letters) 
  • Fitness (gym, community, weight loss, running)
  • Building a healthy lifestyle through healthy routines and habits (create a basic morning routine and work your way up by tracking your daily habits)
  • This podcast (especially this episode)
  • Regularly seeing a counselor who specializes in adjustments and life transitions (this can get expensive so I chose to only see them once-twice a month)
  • Honorable mention: my two dogs, Georgia and Carolina, who always cheer me up


If you are feeling this way too, and want someone to talk to, please always feel free to contact me! You can also talk to someone here at any time. 

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