People Pleasing
There's a Christian song that I've been listening to lately that says, "deliver me from the need to be understood." This line has been sticking out to me because of the meaning behind it.
We live in a world that promotes judgment. The sad thing is, judgment comes naturally to all humans, so we fall victim to the temptation to judge others. Therefore when people are judging you, rumors often arise, because these people do not know the whole truth about you. When you hear these rumors it can be such a slap in the face. It can be difficult to accept that people actually believe these things about you. It can lead to feelings of being trapped and victimized. But, hold on, let me remind you, you are an over-comer. You are not a victim. God created you to overcome gossip. Your purpose is so unique and it was designed specifically for you by the man who created the whole world! Please, realize that you are worth more than the rumors can make you feel. Do not waste time in miserable moods, questioning why people would feel it appropriate to say such awful things about you. Do not waste your time trying to argue with them. Do not waste time trying to spread the truth so that you can combat the false gossip. Do not put yourself in positions where you feel obligated to defend yourself, because your true identity (in God) is special and not everyone deserves to know you on such an intimate level.
In my experience on a high school campus, I have realized that the majority (including myself) are vulnerable to their desires to please others. Elizabeth Grace Saunder, of Harvard Business Review, believes that "this cycle of responsiveness can lead to neglect of the most important activities. Either they don't happen at all, or you end up filling your nights and weekends doing your 'real' work with the last fumes of energy you can summon." This is something that she observed throughout her experience with selfish, demanding, and impatient clients. Consider Elizabeth's quote while you reflect on how your high school days often ended. I know mine ended with me dragging myself through the door of my home and feeling absolutely drained. I was usually too tired to even open my backpack, so my homework was definitely not getting done. My personal wish to please everyone so that they could understand that I was worthy of their approval was wearing me out. My relationship with my family was falling apart, my grades were falling, and my health was not in good shape. The second I decided to stop worrying about what others thought was the best moment in my life thus far. My family and I get along, I passed all of my AP exams, and I'm finally happy in the body that God has given me.
I personally believe that God designed us all to live life to the fullest. If you are not religious, wouldn't you still agree that you deserve to live life to the fullest? If you're wrestling with others, trying to get them to understand you, is that really the life you want to live? Do you think worrying about what others think or know of you is good for you?
I know it would be nice to be understood by everyone that you come in contact with, but we are imperfect beings and our words & actions can fail us. Please, please, please choose to put your happiness in front of the desire to be accepted by everyone! Pursue the things that make you smile and feel good about yourself when you lay your head on your pillow at the end of the day.
Elizabeth's article explains the kind of people-pleaser I'm describing, (It's okay to volunteer, help others, donate, but it's unhealthy to not have it in a balance) here's the link: https://hbr.org/2012/10/stop-being-a-people-pleaser