Attachment Theory


It's so hard to decide what you want from life when everything that you've bravely admitted to desiring has disappeared or changed almost instantaneously. Some things settle heavy on your heart when you realize that you want them because you can't see it ending well. It's terrifying when you get lost in someone's lips, when your tangled thoughts all seem to fade away just from their simple touch, when your veins grow accustomed to the adrenaline pulsing through you the same exact way that traffic constantly pulses through highway 401. Your world becomes almost dependent on the new distraction, so you tell yourself that walking away from the irrational situation would be the wrong choice to make. After much coaxing and reassurance, it becomes easier to trust the circumstance that you're so scared to wish for. Feelings, inevitably, begin to develop as impulses are foolishly acted on. When the rush of the new experience calms down, your feelings hit you. That's when the real fear sets in. The thoughts of your future with this person, the thoughts of wanting to be independent, the thoughts of not wanting to "catch feelings" hit you hard. That's when the fight or flight response is activated. Many people commonly choose the flight response over fighting. They push people away, ignore their feelings, focus on new distractions, and, sometimes, they even move onto new people to gain feelings for-only to run away from the new person as well. But this usually isn't the end of it. This is when attachment comes in to ruin your solid plan to escape the horrific situation in one little sprint. You keep coming back to the situation because those desires are still in your heart. Every single time that you come back, though, you're forced to flee the scene all over again. Eventually, fighting becomes your response instead because the repetitiveness wears you thin. You tear the person that you care about down, you argue, you say disgusting things to shove them away. Finally, one of you has had enough & the period of back-and-forth is now over or dies out. But, since young adults (teenagers) think they are so resilient, they tell themselves that trying again with someone new can't hurt anything. Something tells us that we'll know better this time, we'll stop the feelings before they can develop, we'll know not to get attached this time. Although, since they're still attached to the last person, the cycle of trusting and then running away and then fighting continues on. This is such a popular and unhealthy social pattern being seen among teenagers now. The mixed signals and lack of communication caused by our indecisiveness is causing unforeseen damage to our lives. 


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